


Needing/Getting

by darklips_paleface



Series: Nygmobblepot Week 2019 [4]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Day 4, M/M, Mayor/chief of staff, Mutual Pining, Nygmobs week 2019, S3, because what ELSE was i gonna do besides a mayor/chief of staff fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 04:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18242843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklips_paleface/pseuds/darklips_paleface
Summary: All at once all of Ed’s worst fears since discovering he was in love with Oswald were realized.





	1. A Hug

        A hug.

 

     Ed had never been so disappointed to receive a hug in his life. All at once all of Ed’s worst fears since discovering he was in love with Oswald were realized. He thought he saw glimmers, every now and then, of something _more_ in Oswald’s eyes. More than friendship, or a sense of duty to repay Ed for saving his life (he had already done that tenfold). Ed had hoped that maybe he wasn’t alone in this, that Oswald had feelings too and would come to Ed one day, confessing his love for him.

 

     Because Ed couldn’t be the one to go to Oswald, he couldn’t burden him with that. What would happen should Oswald, like Ed was starting to believe was the case, not return his feelings? How horrible- to realize the man you’d done everything for, broken him out of an asylum and given him shelter along with a job as your right hand man, had been harboring feelings the entire time. It would make him question every aspect of their friendship, _especially_ Ed saving his life tonight at the Sirens. Ed didn’t want that, he did care about Oswald as a friend, his best and only one. He just also felt something for him he’d never felt for anyone, not even Kristen, before. It was the kind of peace that came from two individuals caring so deeply for one another that could only come when you understood each other to the extent Ed and Oswald did. If that meant, for Oswald’s lack of reciprocated romantic interest, they remain just friends- so be it! Ed could live with that, it was still a deeper connection than most humans would ever experience in their miserable lives. He would learn to be happy with friendship and nothing more.

 

     There was one thing Ed felt certain of, and that was this: now that he knew what it was like to love Oswald, there would never be another in his life. Os was it for Ed, his “soulmate”, if you will. No one would ever hold his interest like Oswald could, so whatever Oswald would give him he would accept and keep it like the prize it was.

 

——————————————————

 

     A hug.

 

 _Just_ a hug! And yet it was the most thrilling contact Oswald had ever felt with another person. And Oswald was no blushing virgin by any means, no, he had used sex plenty of times to further himself in Gotham’s seedy underbelly. It never interested him much in a romantic sense- he just didn’t see what all the fuss was about. But this, with Ed… it certainly changed things.

 

     Oswald had felt _something_ between him and Ed. He was acting under the assumption that it was friendship- a very _close_ friendship, but a friendship nonetheless. After all, Oswald had never really been interested in romance before. Maybe passingly he had thought about Jim, wondering (after one of the many nights Jim would come to him to ‘relieve a little stress’ in the form of some spectacular hate sex) if there could ever be something more between them. He realized, now, that that had all been a fantasy. But Edward…

 

     This felt real. And exciting. And brimming with possibility. There was only one problem: did Ed even feel the same?

 

     Sure there was that riddle, but that was about the people of Gotham loving Oswald, right? Then there was all of the touching, and private glances the two shared when someone said something particularly stupid in a meeting at city hall. But again, that could just be Ed being friendly. No, Oswald needed more solid evidence. And he was terrified by that prospect, terrified that it might mean him putting himself in a very vulnerable position to get it.

 

     He was going to have to confess his feelings for Ed.

  
     The prospect of it all, possible rejection and scorn, _terrified_ him. Here he was, a man who had taken down Gotham's biggest mob bosses with ease, who had murdered countless low-lives entirely unfazed, and he was scared of a few hurt feelings and an awkward rejection. No, that wouldn’t do. He was Oswald Cobblepot, the terror of Gotham city. He would not be bested my his own emotions and fears. He was going to give himself a chance at true happiness in the form of a gangly, riddle-obsessed psychopath, and he was going to do it soon. He just had to figure out a few specifics. The how’s and what’s and where’s of his confession… after all, this was Edward. It had to be _perfect._


	2. The wine

      So, as it turned out, professing your deep and undying love to your best friend was a lot harder than Oswald had anticipated. Who knew.

 

     He felt like a fool. Things had seemed so easy when he was talking to himself (and Olga, but who knew how much of that she even really understood) at breakfast that morning. He had all the right words, the perfect balance of sentimentality and honesty, it was rehearsed yet also completely from the heart. He had the music picked out and ready to play, ‘ _La Vie En Rose’,_ one of his personal favorites, and a feast before him. It was absolutely ideal.

 

     He was hoping to start the day right, confess his feelings and get a response all before work. That hadn’t exactly gone to plan, though.

 

     “Good morning, Oswald.” Ed was, as usual, completely dressed and ready to begin the day about an hour before they always left for work. Secretly Oswald hoped he did this on purpose, so that rather than finishing dressing himself after breakfast he could assist Oswald in getting ready for the day. This was neither confirmed nor denied, but Ed did assist him most mornings, so Oswald remained hopeful.

 

     “Good morning, Ed.” And then his throat clicked shut. He tried, really, to make any sound at all come out- but to no avail. They ate a silent and peaceful breakfast together. Every so often it seemed Ed would look up, almost expectantly, but the best Oswald could do was smile at him hoping that somehow it conveyed all the emotion Oswald was, for some reason, unable to put to words.

 

     The rest of the day went similarly. Oswald trying to tell Ed, and always failing. He tried approaching him as Ed was sending some intern off with a bomb, got as far was telling him there was something he needed to say to him, but chickened out on the rest. It was terrifying, to look at Edward, his only friend, and imagine for a moment Ed rejecting him. Over and over throughout the day, so much so Oswald could tell that he was annoying Ed, he would approach him only to be scared at the thought that Ed might be so disgusted by Oswald’s interest that he would leave him truly and completely alone forever.  The thought was horrifying to Oswald, and enough for him to be ready to make peace with the fact that maybe all he and Ed would ever be was friends and nothing more, but, then-

 

     “I continue to be in awe of you, Oswald.”

 

     That was it, it had to be! There was something so beautiful and warm and _loving_ in Ed’s eyes, and Oswald felt certain that his feelings were returned. So he invited him to dinner. That would be the place. He would have the feast and the music and candlelight and it would be _perfect_. So romantic that even Oswald’s worst enemies would be swept up in the atmosphere and propose on the spot. Oswald was sure of it.

 

     Mostly.

 

     Regardless; he was going to tell Ed at dinner. No backtracking, no more ‘forgetting’ what he had to say, no more cowardice. He was telling him over dinner, come what may.

 

——————————————————-

 

     It had been an incredibly frustrating day, to say the least.

 

     From the moment Ed greeted Oswald over breakfast, he knew that something was different. Oswald seemed jittery and nervous, something he almost never was, and he couldn’t make direct eye contact with Ed. Several times he even tried to say something to Ed, but acted like his thoughts had “slipped his mind” and left the room abruptly.

 

     Clearly, he was trying to talk to Ed about something. Something important, and something that was making him nervous.

 

     Edward could only think of two logical explanations:

 

  1. Oswald had feelings for Ed, and was attempting to confess them.



 

     Except Oswald wouldn’t be nervous about that. What would he have to feel nervous over? If that were the case, _surely_ Oswald would’ve been able to see any romantic interest magnified back tenfold. He would have no reason to be worried! Ed figured he was only holding onto this option so he didn’t have to face the crushing reality of what was obviously the _real_ reason for Oswald’s behavior:

 

  1. Oswald had deduced Edward’s feelings and was uncomfortable, trying to find the best way to reject him.



 

     Ed felt almost certain this was the case. Why else would Oswald be so apprehensive? Ed was Oswald’s only friend, and the same was true in reverse. Oswald probably felt that him rejecting Ed’s romantic feelings would destroy their friendship and business relationship. Which was ridiculous, Oswald had to know that no matter what happened Ed had meant what he’d said. He _would_ do anything for Oswald. If that meant a few hurt feelings, fine, so be it, anything to remain at Oswald’s side. He’d take a few days, work through the hurt, and be back in the office by the end of the week. Oswald needn’t worry. But, since he was such a good friend, clearly he was just concerned for Ed’s sake. Painfully, it only made Ed love him just a little bit more.

 

     But at the end of the day, as they were touring that school, it seemed Oswald had finally worked up the nerve. It was to be at dinner, then. A good idea, Ed mused, make sure he’s happy and full before breaking his heart.

 

     So, Ed offered to bring the wine. If he was going to have to work through this rejection, he knew he didn’t want to have to do it sober. He went to the shop closest to the Van Dahl Estate, the place he knew carried Oswald’s favorite red. It was so pathetic that his first instinct was to just pick up a bottle of that- everything he did was to please Oswald. However, tonight was different. Oswald was going to _hurt_ him. Unintentionally, and as thoughtfully as he could, but still. Instead, Ed went to look at some other wines. He’d always preferred whites, but had stopped getting them because Oswald always complained. Tonight, he was buying a white, damnit!

 

     As he was contemplating a nice selection of chardonnays, he heard her:

 

     “You struggle to regain me, when I’m lost you struggle to obtain me. What am I?”


	3. Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mention of the beginnings of a panic attack in this ch., but no real specifics other than hyperventilating. In fact Os uses a method to calm Ed that i was personally taught by my therapist in order to prevent/calm down a panic attack so,,, handy little trick there if you’re interested.

     Oswald was beginning to worry. Edward had said he was going to get some wine, which was usually a five minute trip at most. He knew Oswald’s favorite, and almost never departed from it. But it had been over an hour, and still no sign of Ed. Hopefully he was just caught up in traffic, or there was a line at the store, or-

 

      Or he could have abandoned the night, and Oswald, completely. He could have realized what this was all leading up to and decided to jump ship before Oswald could even confess his feelings. He could’ve said he was going to the wine store as an excuse, a head start. For all Oswald knew, Edward could be halfway to Mexico by now!

 

     Oswald knew he was being irrational. He was a creature controlled by his emotions, and sometimes that meant he got carried away. Logically, Ed was probably still on his way. There was going to be some good reason for this, after all, Edward hated nothing more than tardiness. Well, tardiness and stupidity.

 

     Perhaps Ed _had_ realized Oswald’s intentions. Maybe he was preparing himself, stalling in order to figure out the best way to let Oswald down easy. It was certainly possible, even though it was an inevitability Oswald was deeply dreading and praying wasn’t the case. However, he knew Ed. He was nervous at times, yes, still the jittery young man Oswald had met all that time ago at the GCPD- but he was also reasonable. If he had to face something, no matter how unpleasant, Oswald knew he would do it with grace.

 

     Still, Oswald hoped there was a better reason for Ed’s lateness than his desire to put off the awkwardness of rejecting his only friend’s romantic interest in him.

 

     There was also a much, _much_ worse reason Ed could be late: what if he was in danger. Oswald had many enemies, and he was starting to worry...What if after their display at the Sirens it had become apparent to everyone watching just how much Edward mattered to Oswald? What if Ed had been kidnapped? Sure, Edward could be tough in his own right, but if he was unprepared? Ed was all brain and no brawn- if someone had snuck up on him, fought him… Oswald couldn’t bear to think of Edward getting hurt, especially on his behalf. He was halfway to the phone, ready to place a frantic call to the GCPD, when he heard the door opening- and Edward rushing in. Os breathed a deep sigh of relief that at least he wouldn’t have to torture himself with ‘what ifs’ about Ed’s whereabouts any longer.

 

     “I am _so_ sorry, Oswald. Truly my tardiness is unforgivable, and so unspeakably rude.” and Oswald couldn’t help himself, he had to laugh. How predictable that _that_ would be Ed’s first concern. “I don’t mean to make excuses for myself but I was preoccupied by a woman at the wine shop-“

 

     “A woman?” Oswald’s heart stopped. Of course, the one thing he hadn’t taken into account. Not only was it possible that Ed could fall for someone else- he could fall for someone who was a gender Ed had actually shown past attraction to. Oswald knew of his first love, Miss Kringle, but had never heard Edward mention even a passing attraction to men.

 

     “Yes, you would not _believe_ how annoying she was! Introduced herself via a _riddle_ of all things! How irritating, god, if that’s what I’ve put you through in the time we’ve been friends, I have to apologize. I may never tell a riddle again after tonight. She was so _rude_! Riddles, blatant flirtation-“

 

     “Flirtation? Ed, this woman was coming onto you?” It sounded as though he was exasperated by her, but flirtation? Oswald could help but worry...

 

     “Yes! Can you believe it?! There I am, minding my own business looking for a nice white, and she had the audacity to make a move! As if half the city isn’t already aware that I am desperately in love with _you_ -“ Shock bloomed across Eds face. Instantly, he began backpedaling, “I mean- that is to say- I was, of course, only referring to the rumors about us, and-“

 

     “Ed. Edward!” Oswald could recognize the beginnings of one of Ed’s panic attacks, and knew he had to calm him down before it could truly take hold. “Breathe, Ed, please. Here, come sit with me by the fire.”

 

     Ed followed him, still hyperventilating and looking as though he’d just witnessed a car wreck. Oswald remembered the exercises Ed had taught him for times like this. Count out your senses; one thing you could taste, two things you could smell, three things you could feel, four sounds, and, finally, five thing you could see. It was a way to ground oneself in reality, and it always had a deeply calming effect on Edward. Once Oswald felt Ed relaxing, the tension leaving his shoulders and his breathing evening out, he felt he could broach the subject that was tormenting him.

 

     “Ed, what you said- do you mean that? Or were you truly just referencing the speculation of Gotham’s tabloids?”

 

     Ed looked _terrified._ Oswald hated seeing him like that. “I- Oswald, I don’t want this to change anything between us. You have to know, regardless of how you feel, I will stay by your side as you best friend and chief of staff. That is, if you still want me. But-”  and he took one final deep breath, to steady himself, “yes. I meant it. I am, and have always been, in love with you.”

 

     He wanted to cry. Ed looked so sincere, and so scared of rejection. It made Oswald want to go out and personally torture every single person who had ever made him feel the need to be scared of rejection within an inch of their life. How could any person look at this man- this perfect, witty, handsome, enigma of a man- and choose to cast him aside? Make him feel small and worthless? Well, so long as Oswald was alive he was going to make sure Edward Nygma never felt that way again.

 

     “Ed, you have just made me happier than you could ever know. Here I was, terrified that you were going to reject my affections! I had this whole dinner, a monologue confessing my love, planned for you, and you’ve gone and beaten me to the punch! You always did love one-upping me.” Ed looked shocked for a new reason now, and there was something much happier coloring his expression.

 

     “Oswald- you- this was all to tell me you _love_ me?!”

 

     “Of course! I thought you’d figured that out and were avoiding the night for that very reason!”

 

     Ed laughed, the kind that wracked his whole body that Oswald was incredibly fond of. “We are quite the match- all day I’ve thought you were working up to tell me you’d realized my feelings and didn’t reciprocate!”

 

     Os couldn’t stop the utter confusion he felt from riddling his face, “Why on earth would you think that? How could I possibly reject you, the most incredible man I’ve ever met?” Ed looked as though he simply couldn’t believe the words he was hearing, which made Oswald feel the need to continue speaking until he did. “You are the smartest man I’ve ever known, the perfect match for me. You’ve helped me create an empire, and what’s more, a home. Edward, I would be completely lost without you.”

 

     Luckily, Ed cut in before they both ruined the moment with ridiculous bouts of tears. “Oswald, though I’m still rather pleasantly surprised by this turn of events and having trouble wrapping my head around it all, I feel we could spend the night talking in circles over how we thought the other felt. And while I’m excited at the prospect of telling you, as often as possible, all of the qualities that made me fall for you- I think I would rather have dinner with you right now.” He stood then, offering his elbow to Os like the perfect gentleman he was, “will you join me in the dining room?”

 

     “Ed, I would love nothing more.”

Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve read and loved so many interpretations of s3 fix-its: everything from giving isabella her own villain backstory to just erasing her entirely. And all that’s dope and good but like,,,, how funny would it be if Ed just HATED her? Anyways that’s my perfect world.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the song by the same name by OK GO


End file.
